Chapter 1 childhood
Prologue
I'm an 34 years old unemployed homeless,a plump, unattractive nice guy in the midst of regreting his life.
I wasn't a homeless person until just 3 hours ago , just a veteran hikikomori, a neet, If you realized, my parents just die.and since i'm shutting myself and didn't attend the family meeting,
i was treated as absent.
Fall for the tricks of my brothers, i was kicked out of my house beautifully.
the wall and the floor sounding don don, to the me who have done such outrageous act, there was no ally in this house.
on the funeral day, during (in) ブリッヂオ○ニー (i don't get this slang)my brothers and sister suddenly bust into the room, drop me into a irrevesible excomunication( this is hard to translated, 絶縁状 is a Yakuza term, think of banishment and this is the closest english i could translated it into, literally mean that his bfamily is banish him).
Disregarding that, my little brother use a wooden bat and broke the computer that was more important than my life.
Although the half-crazed me was opposing it, my brother who was a blackbelt in Karate, reverse the situation and beat me up viciously.
After crying unsightly while archieving nothing, i was kicked out of the house with only my clothes.
While trying to supressing the pain in my side( it seem like i have a broken rib) i trudge my way through the town.The insult my brothers said when i left was still resounding in my ears.
A shout that no one will answer.
The heart that was completly broken.
just what on earth did i do.
It couldn't only because of the masculine unmodified (uncensored) loli image( that i took with a digital camera when my brother's daughter was in the bath) in my parents funeral... right.
what should i do from now on.
No, i already knew that answer.
Looking for part time job or some thing like that, find a place to live, buy food.
How ?
I don't know how to look for a job.
No, i know that i should go to Harowa somehow( Harowa, if i remember correctly, should be japanese employment agency).
But i wasn't a shut-in more than 10 years just for show.
There's no reason i would understand anuthing about this place called Harowa.
Even though i heard that they only introduce the work.
Afterwards, bring your resume to the place, though it's not subjected to the interview.
This, an interview with a sleeve with some indecent fluid dried out, a set of clothing with blood here and there ??
There is no reason to let me pass.
Even if i'm in their place, there absolutely no way a guy dress crazily like this would be accepted.
Some might sympathized, but there's absolutely no way they will accept it.
In the first place, i don't even know where do they sell the resume.
Is it stationery shop ??
or is it convenience store ??
Maybe i could walk to the convenience store, but i do not have any money.
If, they were having a clearance sales.
Supposed that you were luckily be able to borrow some money from some financial institutions, with brand-new clothes, a resume with some pen.
I cannot write thing such as no address in the resume.
Closed.
Here, i was aware that life is completely closed for me.
- ..... haaaa
The rain fall.
Summer is coming to an end, it's going to get colder.
the cold rain drenched my old sweashirt without any difficulties. mecilessly robbed my body temperature.
- .... If i could start all over
these words didn't have any intention.
Even me, there's no way i was trash ever since birth.
I was the third son of a decent house, 2 older brothers, 1 older sister, 1 little brother, i was the fourth out of five.
Back in elementary schook, i was praised that i have a good head for a child that age.
i wan't exactly good at studying, but well at game, and physical activities is matter of chance.
I was the center of the class.
In junior high school, enter the school's computer, use the magazine reference, build a computer using accumulated pocket bymyself.
From a family that didn't know the word "com" in computer, 2 order was send out at a glance.
My life start to goes crazy in high school... no, it was the third year in junior high school.
I was too occupied with the computer to start neglecting study.
I thought that there is no need to study for my future. I thought it was useless.
As a results, i was enrolled the super idiot high school which was rumoured to be the worst in the prefecture.
Even there, i still thought it will work it out.
I who thought i was possible, it wasn't exactly the case of fooling myelf and others.
I still remember it, what happened at that time.
when i was lining up to buy lunch, a guy suddenly intrude the line.
I complained to the guy with a sense of righteousness.
At that time, a strange self-esteem, an heart-problem personality caused me to done that reckless action.
that Senpai, was someone who dangerous enough to fight 1 or 2 person in this school.
Afterschool, my face was beaten until it swell up, then got hanged on school gate in the nude.
Photo was also been taken.
If i was a girl,
there should be a line about rape, even possibly become sex slave with threat photos.
Unforunately, i was a fat creepy otaku.
That photo, was floating around the school easily.
There's no negotiation, that was just a half-minded fun.
I fall to the lowest of the hiearachy in an instant, and even dubbed with nickname hoke (this is terrible, Hoke is refer to the tip of the pe*** when it sh*t in)
the seclusion turn into qutting school in just 1 month.
My father and brothers saw me like that,
Put out some stupid courage, i spout some irresponsible words and left it hanging there.
What do you want me to do.
In that kind of situation, i dare say who sould go to school.
i became a shut-in.
Resolutely shut myself from outside.
I was wondering whether my friends of the same age were laughing and look at my crotch in the nude pictures of me being hanged.
I shut myself even more and play net game.
Afterwards is only P2P software, emulator, eroge and manga.
If there are computer with internet, i have plenty of time to kill.
Thanks to the net's influences, along with interest in many stuff, i have tried various things.
I could make plastic model, paint a figure, or try to make a blog.
As if trying to cheer me up, mother gave me plenty of money.
However, I was tired of everything within 1 year.
Look at all the people above me, i lose all motivation.
Looking at that from outside, it would seem like i was just playing around.
However, to a man who was left behind in time, to the me who was holed up, it didn't have to be anything else.
Nope, in all retrospect, that just an excuse.
That's just playing around.
Rather than that, i should start a web manga and trying to be a mangaka, maybe it'd be better if i wrote a novel and want to be a Light novels writer.
There was many guys in the same situation as me.
I was such a guys, i was such a fool.
Laughing while reading their works, i only criticized " do not worth anything"
Even though i didn't do anything myself...
I want to go back.
Elementary school was the best, if possible, in junior high school.
No, just 1 or 2 years is fine.
If i have time, no matter how little it is, i believe i could do something.
Because if you stopped halfway, you can start from halfway.
Let me be serious, even if i can't become the best, it might be possible to become a professional.
No, expectaion
It's useless
useless useless
thinking about such a thing is useless.
- ...un?
In the fierce rain, I heard the voice of someone arguing.
It is a quarrel... right ??
How unpleasant, i don't want to be involved.
Even when I think so, footstep was heading straight in there.
- ... That's why you are...
- What are you...
I found it out, seem like a lover's quarrel with 3 person in high school age.
2 man and 1 woman.
Quite an unsusual sight these days, uniform and stand up collar.
A scene of mayhem, with the tall guy and girl disputes over something.
The other boys seem to try to calm these 2 down, but the 2 seem to didn't pay him any heed.
(aa, coming to me, like that)
Like in junior high school, there was the so so cute childhood friend.
Even if I say so so, it's about the fifth or fourth in the class.
Berry short hairstyle because it was track and field club.
Once passed about 10 people walking through the town, about three people or two people wonder to look back, it's that's kind of appearance.
At that time I was addicted to 2D completely.
Speaking of track and field, it would be Ponytail.
For that me, ugly her would still be a good place.
However, our house is close and we is also in the same class in the elementary, junior high and also because there was a lot of opportunity for conversation,we quarrel a lot.
And even in junior high school, we go back together several times.
It was a regretable things.
If that was the current me, Junior high, childhood friend, Track and field club, i could have 3 discharge from these words.
By the way, I heard a rumor that that childhood friend seems to have married seven years ago.
The rumour is from conversation of my brothers that i heard in the living room.
It was not a bad relationship in anyway.
Because you knew each others since childhood, you can speak without holding back.
Although i do think that it wasn't like she love me,
If i had study more and enter the same highschool as her.
Or, if i have a recommendation and in the same track and field club,
A flags might have been raised.
If i confess seriously, we might possibly going out with each other.
And you can do erotic thing in the classroom afterschool when no one is present,
Just like them, just like in a quarrels on the way home.
That just like an eroge world.
( Thinking about it, that's like a serious rear charge, ... bust ?) (Dragon : don't ask me, i google this slang and this is what i get)
And I noticed at that moment.
A single truck rushed toward the 3 with an insane speed.
At the same time, the truck driver lies his head on the handle.
It's a Sleepy driver.
The 3 haven't noticed it yet.
！！！！！
- th, th, that's dangerous.
I shouted out loud, but from the vocal chords that's wasn't let out any good sound for over 10 years.
The rib pain and the rain coldness shrink it further,
The emmited miserable voice was trembling, and drowned out in the rain.
Must move, i thought.
I, do something, I thought.
If i help them, my intuition told me that i'm going to regret it in 5 minutes.
The truck would hit them at tremendous speed,
my intuition told me that i'm going to regret looking at mess made by 3 people.
And, i should have helped them.
That why i must move, i thought.
I wil soon die somewhere and left there in that place, but
I was wondering in that moment, and I want to gained a small sense of satisfaction at the very least.
I thought i don't want to regret until my last moment.
I ran as if to roll over.
My legs which wasn't moving much for over 10 years refused to listen.
For the first time in my life, i thought it'd be better if i had exercise more.
The broken ribs emitted tremendous pain, trying top my legs.
For the first time in my life, i thought it'd be better if i had more calcium.
It hurt.
It hurting so much that i can't run properly.
But i still run.
I run.
i can run.
The boy who have been quarreling until that moment, embraced the girl when he realized the imminent danger
Because his back was facing toward it, the other boy didn't ware of it yet.
Because of his friend abrupt action, he was speechless.
I grabbed the nape of the neck of the boy who hasn't noticed it yet and pull him back by the power of my whole body without any hesitation.
The boy who was pulled by me using my 100 kg body weight rolled outside of the truck's path.
OK.
2 more people.
The moment i thought so, the truck was in front of my eyes.
From a safe place, he stretched out his hand trying to pull me back but,
if you pull someone, they will move faster than their reaction.
It's a matter of course.
It doesn't matter my weight is excess of 100 kg or not.
The wobbling feet that was running out was successfuly put me in front of them.
The moment i came in contact with the truck, i feel that something flashed behind me.
The was some rumour involve revolving lantern, i didn't know too much about it.
Too early.
Or was my life content was that small.
It knocked my up with a weight about 50 times myself and nailed me into the concrete wall.
-Gahaa...!
All the air in my lung escaped in an instant.
The convulsed lung desperately seeking some Oxygen.
No sound is escaped.
However, i wasn't dead.
I was saved thanks to all the fat i have accumulated ...
Is what i thouhgt, but the truck still coming.
Sandwiched between the truck and the concrete wall, i'm dying like a tomato.
2014-02-12, 21:56
