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Both of them are really different persons in their outlook.
Kirito is more or less a a guy with a decent relationship with friends/family who doesn't have the low self esteem issues that Haru has.
In fact, I doubt Haru's avatar really is as pudgy as it looks - notice that he's drawn in a rougher style (one that strongly reminds me of colour pencils and older 90s anime) compared to everyone else. It's like Sunako, who always appears to herself as an SD Sadako clone, but is really Tall Dark and Bishoujo. The story is told from Haru's perspective, and Haru's self image is strongly skewed. Yes, he is probably pudgy and yes he probably isn't a bish, but he isn't that ugly.
As for whether Kirito and Asuna are Kuroyukihime's parents, I posted some thoughts on that earlier, but as Aprah reminded me, if she was in the hospital, they would have come to see her.
I see the relationship between SAO and AW as that of The Hunt for Red October and Red Storm Rising. Both are separate verses but strongly influenced each other - Bob Toland, for example, is an expy of Jack Ryan. Or the connection between Dance in the Vampire Bund and Ne-to-ge: Lovers in Cyberspace, both drawn by the same author, who reused the designs of male and female lead in Lovers for the male and female lead in Dance. (Their daughter's design got reused for male lead's yaoi fangirl childhood friend.)
Separate verses, but influenced by each other thanks to the author's mind. And maybe KYH was intended to be a combo Kirito/Asuna shoutout by the Author, who having failed to get SAO published properly, decided to make a quiet shout out to a series he really liked.
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